遗书??

Can't believe I will be flying again soon to the States
This time, it's purely for leisure and I can finally take my mind of works, life in Singapore and just enjoy the time in a foreign land, with some very familiar yet kinda distant faces(?)

It's been a very long time since I met 2 of my primary school old friends
Hopefully after this trip, I am able to return to be a new person again

The agony, lost of direction, pain that I had been holding inside, hopefully they all fade away so that I can move on again.

"Aeroplanes falling off the sky just like flies these days.." the one joke that keep linger around my mouth lately
By no means any disrespect to the victims, families & friends of the MH370, MH17 incidents, not forgetting the case in Taiwan and also Algeria. These incidents just keep remind you that life can be very unpredictable. And when the time is up for you, you have no choice but to accept it and leave your beloved ones behind

These incidents definitely didn't help much on providing a piece of mind for those flying to other continents. So.... adhering to the suggestion by AC, KY and Winson, I shall leave some words behind before leaving Singapore
Jinxing it? Don't think so... cause if it is to happen, it will happen. Nothing much I can do about it eh... except maybe hopefully i get to try sky diving before gg.com hahaha

Here it goes..

I am grateful that I was brought up in a complete nucleus family, being blessed with wonderful parents, 1 great brother and 1 cute sister. (shall not flatter the latter 2 too much haha)
I have 2 protective parents that actually take into consideration of our future up to the stage where we graduate and able to live independently. Not everyone have that "luxury" to enjoy these.
Being brought up by a teacher and a nurse, I believe they influenced me on the joy of giving to others. I know sometimes I do have some "crooked" thinking of "although I enjoy giving, please do not betray my kindness". This concept was recently challenged to an extent that I start to victimize myself when things doesn't go as expected. I need to really find a new paradigm to this, before the demons inside eat me up. Joy of giving, there's never anything wrong to it. Strength to face adversity and disappointment albeit all the efforts and goodwill, there's another level of mindset to it.

Back to topic.. I am lucky to have parents that actually very prudent (frugal?) on planning their finances which revolves around the 3 of us. Meng graduated from local Uni and is already working hard to build his "empire" of pharmacy in KL. I had the luxury of actually study in Singapore and have since been here for my 9-th year (!!) The thought of me spending 1/3 of my life in Singapore is really scary. Ling manage to fulfill her dream of studying abroad at Wales/UK and seems to be enjoying herself working there as a solicitor. Both of them have already found their other significant half and is enjoying their life.

I am grateful that I actually chosen to study in Singapore, and further being blessed with the scholarship going into 2nd semester of my year 1. I am blessed with may good friends and hall mates throughout my stay in King Edwards 7 hall. University will definitely be one of most unforgettable times of my life in Singapore. Given the chance, I would definitely want to experience that again. Only ifsss... How I wished I explore more and experiment more while I was in Uni.

After graduation, work had taken up majority of my daily life. And exposure to the true working environment, sometimes things can be very disheartening. Unlike school and uni days, how the "adult" works are really different. There are a great variety of people out there with different agenda, and it really scares me out. Trust is really a tough thing to handle in current situation, be it work or personal life. Learning to trust people again will be a long term struggle that I will be facing isn't it?

Nevertheless, I am still grateful to have met friends from different countries, races and backgrounds. Different upbringing, living conditions, culture and therefore perspective, often bring about conflicts. But once the conflicts can be overcome properly, it definitely bring about new perspectives to us.

I do have many regrets in my life, a burden that I have to carry as I move on. However, what I can tell myself is.. hey, I had tried my best under the circumstances and these are the outcome that I have to face and bear with. Easier said than done huh? Life goes on..

No matter how bad things turn out sometimes, I would still stand back up. Love unanswered? It's ok. There's still more people worthy of my love out there. And none of them beats the love I have for my parents and 2 wonderful siblings. They are my top most priority, even over myself, which I can sacrifice anything just for them.

So if this is the last blog post from me, just so to let the other's know.. All what I own now, they belong to my parents. Without them, there's no the me that is living right here, in this moment. Well my big screen TV and dumbell can give to my gym lunatic bro lol. And for my sis, i guess will be co-ownership of the current condominium that I have on hand (with my parents), since she have plan on coming to Singapore with her bf. Last time she was in Singapore, seems like she like the country quite much. It suits her well too.

Lastly, I am glad I have what I have right now. Keep calm and move on. *So cheesy.. >.<

Good bye

Action says it all eh

What I learnt from the whole process

Learn to love yourself more

No matter how much you love someone other than your family, do not expect that person to love you more than yourself

Giving that person the benefit of the doubt is just simply you lying to yourself just so that things remain the same. It actual fact it will not remain the same.

You see it coming, and you play to it

No one to blame but yourself

Deep down you know when u place your heart in her hand, she subconscious or consciously will not accept it. Looking for company and falling in love is a totally different thing.

It's not worth aiming to heal someone with the exchange of your broken heart. She do not need it anyway.

Words of appreciation means null no matter how is the outcome. These actions out of love? You will only receive pitiful gazes and generate tonnes of guilt, remorse, sadness and excruciating pain

Actions says it all huh?

Thanks for the precious lesson.

Just that actions can mean a lot of things. And the latest actions, they are quite clear cut. When it comes to you, you really mean nothing at all to that person. Just a pit stop, not even worth the mention.

Teh Teo Peng, don't do that to yourself anymore

You worth someone better.

Listen to your heart properly. You will know when it's crying out of happiness, or out of sorrow 

非诚忽扰

请不要尝试喜欢我

因为我一旦决定了要爱，就不会往回看

我只懂得横冲直闯

我只懂得毫不保留