Growing Up

The journey of rediscovering your self worth and purpose of life can be very scary, but rewarding at times.
The agony, sadness, struggle that I have been through for past 3-4 months can be considered one of the hardest obstacle thus far.
I had come to realize that I had been escaping/avoiding the truth most of the times ever since I was little.
It's not a disadvantage for being kind to people, putting some great cause before yourself
Yet it's also understandable, or rather "OK" to be selfish and prioritize your own well being at times
I had been more of a practitioner of the first one, and it just never occur to me that I subconsciously "hate" or reject parties that practice the latter.
Everyone have their priorities in life, and you cannot control that. The feeling of losing control can be devastating at times.

I have a lot more to work on, before I am able to move on. It's definitely not an easy task.

I need to learn to LET GO. Letting go takes more courage and will power than it is to strive on for something that is not worth pursuing anymore. I need to accept the failures than I made and move on to better myself.

I need to learn to CONTROL MY EMOTIONS. I may appear to be subtle or "controlled" most of the time, but there's some instances/behaviors that just simply tick me off and make me lose control. This happen especially when I care on something or someone too much. The urge to gain control may affect me so much that in turn that important person is being hurt by my actions.
This is more of a compromise, holding things back, escaping issues than to address them

I need to learn to be willing and OPEN FOR CHANGES. Somethings cannot be changed, so the only thing I can do is to change myself to adapt.

These are the scary facts that I am able to gather thus far, and I still haven't fully learn these principles until I know them by heart.

This is fucking scary. But I want to dive deeper within. I want to change,